random note i wrote and lost and found again

I'm opening eyes with the rising sun, desperately wishing my eyelids would flutter me back to sleep.( they never do). I try to stand with shaky limbs and eyes dirty and glazed. The bathroom, my own personal sanctuary, it's where I reflect on what's been done, said and witnessed. I turn on the shower and stand in front of the mirror until the steam steals my reflection and I step into the burning waterfall. I can smell last night washing off my body.trickling down my arms and legs like secrets running away from discovery. My mind wanders to the night before. The mistakes made,the bonds formed, and the constant laughter of our youth. I step out quickly hoping to preserve just s hint of the night on my flushed skin. Almost undetectable,like the wind floating through the trees.you can't see it, but you can feel it every where around you. I know it's there and that's the only thing that matters. I wear it proudly, like a badge that reads "my life".secretly I'm hoping that someone will notice this thing about me.the always underlining layer beneath the surface.Hoping someone else will share my love for the last nights and morning afters.Hoping to make a new friend in this crazy life where the youth, run wild.

Citizen Cope, Sideways

Ive been sick off and on the past two weeks. Nothing exciting has been happening in my life. Ive been living off of these sandwiches and nothing else.

the raspberry dressing and crisp veggies really do make it wonderful.

Azure Ray, Signs in the Leaves

My day in photos. (its really pathetic how many photos of myself I took)

"I'm a little worried that I killed something inside of me when I let you go".

YUCK,Georgia

"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."-Oscar Wilde

D.R.U.G.S, Im Here To Take The Sky

These are from a day at Piney Creek (cliffs on the outskirts of town) and Indianola (town 30 mins away.) Jessica and I decided to drive to Indianola to visit her fathers grave. We had a picnic next to his grave, which was nice. The weather was moody, but we had a good time exploring the little town.

D.R.U.G.S, My Swagger Has A First Name

Not much has been going on lately. I turned 21 on the 20th, which was uneventful, but that was expected. Ive been trying to motivate myself to get my school business in order. For some reason its so much easier to just sit and watch movies online all day.

Ive been secluding myself from certain friends in Oklahoma. Finding out that your friends are lying about the most ridiculous things is annoying and I really dont have any desire to be around someone who can lie so easily to people they "care about".
In lighter news, Ive adopted a new collie puppy. His name is Whiskey Sixx, after my favorite drink and one of my favorite musicians, Nikki Sixx. He's extremely energetic, its almost like having a child, something i swore I wouldnt do for many many years. This is just reinforcing that vow. But i love him non the less.

I find myself wanting more and more the less and less money I make. I had a shit job in California, but i was making four times as much as i am here in Oklahoma. These wage laws are a FUCKING JOKE. It probably doesnt help that I check the Rebel8, Forever21, and Etsy websites religiously. Here's to being broke. not.

Delta Spirit, Children

My Day/Night in Photos

 

I realized something last night.

The Smiths, These Things Take Time

I woke up feeling really different today. Im still becoming accustom to living with my grandparents again. Living in Oklahoma in general is a huge difference from my life in California. My first few months here were wonderful. Parties with new and old friends, walking around in the woods, falling in love with the small town. But I still have my days where the only thing on my mind is my old life. My old friends, my old love.  This photo was from my going away party. All of these people have impacted my life in one way or another. Ive learned and loved so much with these people.

Its still snowing outside, its starting to get really annoying.

Godless Brother in Love, Iron&Wine

For the past week, myself, along with seven of my friends have been snowed in out in the sticks. As un-entertaining as that might sound, it was a wonderful time.Getting cars stuck in the snow, sledding, partying, cabin fever. It was all a part of a wonderful week in little ol Checotah Oklahoma.

Monday night @ WalMart. It was 3am before we left, and the first snow/ice had started to fall.

 

outside Nars front door. This was day 2. 

 

Whiskey is meant for snow storms.

Trying to save baby birds. He ended up dying. 

Nar cooking eggs and pancakes for breakfast this morning. 

The Smiths, Unloveable

I would really like to do something like this to my jean jacket and jean vest. I feel a DIY project coming on.

The Smiths,Cemetery Gates

There's nothing better than waking up to 70 degree weather in the middle of a midwest winter. Cleaning house to slow golden hits. Breakfast at the local cafe with all the oldbones.Lunches in the cemetery, and then a walk through the old "haunted" shack in town. It felt so nice to be outside. Completely free.Hair down, zero makeup, in nothing but a tshirt and converse. Fuck yea we could live like this.

The Decemberists, Dear Avery

-Brittany
-photography,whiskey,beards,body modification, stars, The Smiths, journaling,writing lists.

"The thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something, trying something, even when it’s corny or stupid. I am not good at saying no. And I do not get along with people who say no. When you die, and it really could be this afternoon, under the same bus wheels I’ll stick my head if need be, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no’s you’ve said. No to that opportunity, or no to that trip to Nova Scotia or no to that night out, or no to that project or no to that person who wants to be naked with you but you worry about what your friends will say. No is for wimps. No is for pussies. No is to live small and embittered, cherishing the opportunities you missed because they might have sent the wrong message. What matters is saying yes."


This blog will be about all of my YES adventures.